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两岁半的儿子动不动要调皮捣蛋,我该怎么办?




一位读者给加拿大环球邮报去信说:他两岁半的儿子喜欢谈如何干坏事,包括吓唬或伤害别人的各种办法。他说这些话时大都是我们要去新公园或没去过的公共场所时。当我告诉他我们去的地方都有哪些人时,他会说:“我要把我的水罐放在他的脸上!”或者说,“我要让她摔跟头,她肯定会哭!”该读者询问自己该如何开导自己的儿子。

为此,环球邮报请来了一位育儿教练(Parenting Coach),Sarah Rosensweet女士来答复这位读者的问题。住在多伦多的Rosensweet女士与丈夫有三个孩子,年龄分别为12岁,15岁和18岁。



以下为答复的内容:

我认为,当听到儿子说这些话时,你会很担心。我知道很多家长不愿意谈及这个话题,因为他们怕别人认为自己的孩子是个孽种,孩子长大后将是个惹事生非的主。但是,你别担心!你的儿子有这样的行为是有原因的,你可以做很多事情来解决这个问题。

毫无疑问,我们这些做父母的永远不会想我们的孩子干坏事,伤害别人。孩子在小的时候想干坏事是其成长过程中必经之路,不必大惊小怪。当孩子沮丧和兴奋时,他们对自己冲动的控制和与他人沟通的能力就会降低,调皮捣蛋的行为也因此达到高峰。幼儿是他们在学习如何自我调节的时期。

值得高兴的是,你儿子也只是口头说说而已,实际上他并没有做任何调皮捣蛋的事。如果你的儿子曾在沮丧和激动的时候去欺负其他孩子,你就要想办法如何预防这些事的发生。事实上,当他告诉你他打算干什么坏事时,这让我觉得除了“正常”的调皮捣蛋外,他还有其他问题。



我认为有两个可能性:即害怕和感到自己无能为力。你说当他去一个陌生的地方或结识新朋友时,他才会说这些话。这可能是他害怕去这些地方的一个反应,他似乎想用干坏事来显示自己有能力克服害怕的心理。对于两岁半的孩子,他很可能是感到自己无能为力。现在的问题是,我们如何来解决这两个问题。

害怕是恐惧的另一个表达。当人担心自己有危险时,我们会本能地做出“出击、逃跑和不动”的反应。这有助于我们在危险情况下的生存,即使这种危险是自己的想象。一般来说,当孩子担心害怕时,我们会发现他们会藏在我们身后,或者在生疏的地方拒绝下车。

我们还必须知道孩子们的“出击”方式是什么。当你的儿子因害怕导致他的“出击”反应被激活时,你儿子调皮捣蛋的情况就会发生。因为他的大脑正试图告诉他:新的人和环境对他造成了威胁。由于害怕,他的大脑被劫持,他处于出击的状态模式。



这种情况下你能做什么呢?在他再长大一点时,建议你使用“害怕的大脑”(Worry Brain)这一策略。这是一套帮助控制恐惧的工具,让他学会调整大脑的警报系统。他现在太小。他只是需要你来帮助他获得安全感。

当你听到他说要干坏事时,你要保持镇静并提醒自己他只有2岁的孩子。他调皮捣蛋并不意味着他天生就是一个孽种。当他说这番话时,如果我是你,我只是以一种关心却不生气地对他说:“哇,听起来你要折腾别人。如果别人也这么折腾你,你感觉会怎样?”事实上,他只是想让你知道他的感觉,并非真的要去伤人。而这时恰恰是让他思想自己的行为对他人所造成的后果。

在这种情况下,只要他喜欢,你就呆在他身边。让他感到没有危险。同时,我也希望他对这些所谓的威胁习以为常。我会告诉他,去新地方我们都会有点紧张。但这很正常。



我也建议你和他玩一些有趣的、显示他能耐的游戏。在游戏中,你是弱者,他总是最强,最快,最聪明。他把你压在地上,你“不能”爬起来。他与你赛跑,你总是在终点前“跌倒”。你“躲起来”,但他总能找到你。你把自己扮演得很愚蠢,甚至和他嬉闹,让他开心。当他嘲笑你无能为力时,他实际上是战胜了自己的害怕和无力感。他的脑子不需要制造威胁来证明自己的强大。

你要让他知道自己在新人和新地方面前没有什么可怕的,同时帮助他以健康的方式了解自己的能耐。当你教会他如何面对恐惧时,调皮捣蛋就会停止。



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