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从一个三口之家的分崩离析想到电视剧《都挺好》




这是在多伦多机场候机大厅道听途说的故事。
2019年3月7日,我和老伴回中国探亲。上午,儿子儿媳帮我们把行李箱办完托运手续,通过安检,来到候机大厅,等待登机。

在旅客席的座椅上,见一位精壮的汉子旁边,有一个空位子,我就坐在他旁边。开始我们都彼此保持沉默,但坐了一会,我瞅这位汉子面容沉郁,带有倦色,在手机上拨来划去消磨时间,仿佛心情不太好,就主动向他打个招呼,回上海呵?因为我们这趟班机是多伦多飞上海。

这位汉子转过脸,瞅了我一眼,说是呵,然后问我也是去上海?我说我和老伴到上海,还转机飞贵阳。他看我老伴坐在轮椅上,而且我是满头白发,年近古稀,禁不住问,你们两老没有人陪伴?我说,儿子和儿媳陪同我们到上海,到上海以后,帮我们把行李办好托运,然后分手,他们去日本旅游,我们回贵阳。



他听了我的回答,觉得我的态度很友好,于是,便和我闲聊起来。他告诉我,他已经69岁,退休前在上海一家企业工作,他和妻子去年一道来多伦多探望独生女儿,可是,来到多伦多不到一年,他就和妻子吵翻,最后分道扬镳,决定离婚分手,妻子已经先他回上海。

他和女儿住在一起,女儿是多伦多某所大学毕业,学的是法律专业。说着,他从智能手机里调出他女儿与他妻子的照片,其中有他女儿的单独照,以及他一家三口的合影,从手机里几张彩照来看,他女儿的容貌十分漂亮,圆圆的脸上一双美丽的大眼睛,五官长相与影视女明星堪有一比。我随口赞道,你女儿像个演艺圈的影星。他听了很是开心,就问,她长得像谁?像我还是像她妈?我仔细看了看,心想她比爹妈都漂亮,但只能委婉地说,似乎都像一些。

这位上海男人告诉我,女儿已经40岁,一直没有结婚,最近才有了男朋友。我想,是不是由于自己姿色出众,择偶标准太高,才成了老姑娘?又想到,在多伦多的华人家庭中,有不少这种待嫁的大龄女孩。如果在中国,这些大龄女孩都被称为“剩女”,是不是由于加拿大和中国社会环境不同,华裔年轻人生活圈子相对狭小,才会出现这种“剩女”较多的现象?



这位上海老人问我们飞上海的机票是多少钱?我告诉他,从多伦多到上海,每人往返票价不到800加元。他说,他到上海的单程票就花了3000多加元。我觉得非常奇怪,就问他为何票价这样高?

他说,因为他和女儿闹矛盾,争吵中他发脾气,说话不注意,女儿说他威胁她,就报警把他抓进警察局关了几天,后来把他放出来,女儿虽然流了眼泪,但要求他72小时内离开多伦多。于是,女儿的男朋友就给他买了回上海的机票,他也不知道为什么机票这样贵。

对于女儿报警把他抓进警察局,他没有讲自己“发脾气”究竟是怎样威胁女儿,只是说,到了警察局,我准备把牢底坐穿!

听他这么讲,我不免心里感到有些滑稽可笑。因为“把牢底坐穿”这个豪言壮语,本来是在毛泽东时代的电影戏剧里,那些共产党革命者被捕以后,为了表现他们英勇不屈而经常说的口头禅。现在这位69岁的退休职工,用来形容自己的愤懑和决心,显然有些不伦不类,也说明他在毛泽东时代长大,当时的文化太贫瘠,记忆中只能是这些空洞和无聊东西,至于如何处理好家庭关系,可能他缺乏思考能力。



来到多伦多五六年,耳闻目睹,知道不少家庭两代人相处艰难,矛盾冲突不断,最极端的例子是两年前一个美国华人家庭发生的血案,即两代人住在一起,因家庭矛盾,公公把儿媳妇砍死。听了这位上海退休老人被女儿投诉,抓进警察局坐牢的事件,不免使我进一步感到两代人在一起如何相处,已经是一个紧迫的社会问题,值得深入研究。

最近,看了国内新拍的电视连续剧《都挺好》,表现一个五口家庭里亲人之间彼此的恩恩怨怨,既真实深刻,又耐人寻味,特别难得的是,该剧提供了一个消除亲人之间恩怨纠葛的符合人性的积极思路,这对许多华人家庭,可能都有启发,也可以弥补我这篇未经深入采访的家庭纠葛新闻的不足。



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