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幽默集锦 19-12-07

让渥太华不与北京作对
看到电视上在谈孟晚舟被抓的新闻,小李愤愤不平地说,鬼才相信川普和土豆对抓孟都不知情!是谁布置监视孟晚舟的?是谁违反银行隐私规定逼汇丰银行交出黑材料的?即使川普和土豆不知,但他们都只是傀儡而已,美国、加拿大都是由躲在幕后的黑手控制的。他们为非做歹,欺压世界人民,不但雇佣西方大媒体,还通过金钱等方式控制无数喽啰为他们造谣,误导愚弄人民群众。他们不但欺负百姓,还让你觉得他们欺负百姓是有道理,是对的。
老张立即回答道:俺给你提个建议,你私下去北京走一趟,让他们给你出钱竞选加拿大总理,选上后他们咋说,你就咋做。与其让特鲁多被其后面的黑手摆布,与中国做对,还不如让北京做你的后盾,坐上加拿大总理的宝座,把加拿大纳入自己人的范畴。你可别找借口说北京没有钱哦!

国足与大米
叙利亚男足赢了中国后,教练给每一个队员一个大耳光:“老子说了不能赢中国队,他们刚刚给了我们大米……”
叙利亚球员满脸无辜的说:“是他们自己要踢进自己的球门。”
叙利亚教练说:“那也不行……”



就差5万
刚刚玛莎拉蒂4s店经理给我打电话,说天气太热做活动,市场价275万,现在做活动只要270万.... 立马我就冷笑一声挂了那经理电话.... 我是差那5万的人吗?         
........
我差的是那270万

中奖
洛阳一老头,在家呆腻了,攒钱到美国旅游散心。刚到美国第一天,上街,看到很多人在买彩票抽奖,有人抽到三等奖LV包,有人抽到二等奖劳力士手表……老头也上去买彩票碰碰运气,打开奖票,众人立即欢呼,一等奖出现了!工作人员上前告诉他:先生,恭喜您中了头奖,请准备行李,明天出发,一等奖是中国著名旅游胜地:中国河南省洛阳市豪华七日游。老头大喊一声:滚求吧,我不回去,洛阳老求热!!

高考笑话
高考结束了,有孩子为自己取了一个新疆名字:哲布慧·娜耶布惠·泉布慧,家长也给自己起了一个新疆名字:成吉不提·明刺耶不提·申马窦别提,老师也给自己起了一个新疆名字:骄布慧·吉斯耶骄布慧·就隋塔便了巴。




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